identity loss

It’s not that big of a deal until it really is.

Getting dressed used to be one of my favourite things, I used to love layering my favourite pieces, playing with textures and seeing what looks were the most versatile. Now I’m just trying to find things that fit + still feel true to myself.

I do not wrap my entire identity around my personal style. I don’t define myself by one thing, but I fear a loss of identity as I enter this new world motherhood. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on simpler problems like getting dressed than possible career changes, lifestyle changes and priority shifts I know are due to come.

Fear of identity loss ties in with the fear of the unknown.

Who will I be next year? What will I want? Until recently my top priority easily could have been categorizes under “Working”. Will I be able to continue working at the pace I am now? Will I even want to work at this pace. What kind of mother will I be? Does becoming a mum unlock this new part of yourself + change the definition of words like drive & motivation? Or will I struggle with my identity as I navigate this new chapter in my life?

Trying to fully embrace this life experience- through the good days and the bad moments. The unknown is only temporary as many apps, and doctors’ appointments track the days and weeks.

The idea of identity feels immediately under question when you are pregnant. I rather feel like a host than a human at times when I go to see my doctor, or when I talk about my experience being pregnant.

So getting dressed isn’t really my biggest of problems while I’ve got bits and boobs moving around on my body, a baby on the way and a few other lifestyle changes coming. But boy would it be easier to deal with not feeling like myself if I could fit into my old jeans + my favourite shirt.

Til then my coveted denim bff, I’ll see ya next year friend.

At least my maxi dress still fits!